Trip to the beach!

 We took the trailer to Carlsbad State Park at the beginning of June.  We're not really beachy people.  We get bored quickly of sand and sticky and cold waves.  We enjoy exploring more. BUT we haven't done the beach in quite a while, so it was fun to do it again.

 The beach we were on is not really one that the people that stay there usually hang out on because it's so rocky.  You sort of have to drive up the road or down the road a few minutes to Encinitas or Mission Beach for sand.  The first day though, we needed to jump out of the car and see it.  So we hung out on the rocks.  My kids are really into rocks.  They scoured the beach for a couple of hours bringing me the prettiest ones to bring home, which I did.

 This picture of my man-child freaks me out.  He's 14, 5'10" 1/2, size 10.5 shoe, and check out his muscles!   It's scary.  I'm pretty proud of him.  He's a good kid with a good spirit.  Alot like Sarah in that he wants things to always be fair for everyone and loves his friends.

 It's funny how well my boys get along out of the house.  I don't think there was a single argument while we were gone.  But they fight like dogs at home.  Right before I snapped this picture (above) Ryan had his head leaning on Noah's, who was leaning his on Ryan's shoulder.  It was so cute.  I wanted proof that they loved each other once, but he moved it right before I could take the picture.

 Blueberry "pancake," Me style.  This was heavenly.

 This kid is so handsome and sweet.  Joshy.

 Misson Beach is incredibly beautiful.  This cool pathway that goes on for miles in each direction.  I'd like to go back there.

 The neighborhoods in Mission Beach reminded me of Brazil, only pimped out.

Couples smash ball.  A blustery day on the beach.

Iron Man

I really love watching the Iron Man in St. George every year.  This is the third year they've had it here and it will be the last year they hold a full race.  The next two years that they are contracted to hold it here it will be only a half Iron Man.  I had a couple of friends that did it the first year and I was so tempted back then to try and do it, but I knew at the end of the day that I just didn't have the time it would take that I could be away from the house to train.  Now, three years later,  I kinda don't want to ever be that narcissistic.  Not that my friends that do it ARE, but I would have to be to do it.  I'd have to ignore a whole lot of other people and things that need me.  I still am in awe of these people though.

The woman that took first place, I was happy to see, was kinda short and stalky and not stick thin.  It makes me happy to find people I can compare myself to physically (yes, I am that self conscious about my body) and see them do awesome things. 

I put a lot of miles on after I had Sarah when I was in my postpartum depressed stupor and gave myself a few injuries.  I have been thinking that maybe it's time to switch to lower impact cardio.  I've been biking and swimming, which I have enjoyed a lot, but nothing will ever compare to the running high and I've missed that.  I came across an article in a running magazine the other day that said that you don't ever need to give up running at any age, but just change the way you train to avoid injuries. That may or may not be true in my case, but I'm choosing to believe it because I need to.  Running is one of my few pure joys in life.  One thing that is always sure to make me feel happy and uplifted.  Peace.

The first place male winner.  He gave me a high five as he was rounding this corner to the finish line.  I took it as a sign.

These two klassy ladies were standing next to me watching.  One of them wreaked of pot and their banter was, I hate to admit, hysterical.  They were both in their early sixties, admiring the athletes bodies and flirting with the volunteers.  I couldn't help but think about the fact that I am closer to their age than I am to the age I was when I graduated from high school.  I still feel like I just graduated from high school.  How can it be that I am now done having babies and am officially exiting the 30 something young mom club?!  It's insane.  Where did my 30s go?  At the same moment I'm happy to be almost 40.  Finally no pressure to look perfect.  It actually kinda looks sad to me when I see someone in their 40s trying to look 20 or 30 something.  For instance, after these two women left, there came up an older woman, in her 70's, obviously an athlete herself because she was wearing Iron Man garb.  She said she was cheering on her son that was competing in his first Iron Man.  I asked her about her obvious involvement in Iron Man events and she told me that she was a 4 time champion at Kona in her 40+ divisions years ago, but that she is retired now.  I remember thinking that she, with her leathery tanned skin and sparkling healthy eyes and muscle toned 70 something body was more beautiful to me than any smooth botoxed exfolioated lazered lifted tucked nipped or injected woman I had seen. Hers was real beauty.  I don't know if any of my friends that do those things will ever read this and take offense.  Please know that I mean this for ME.  It's not that I think it's wrong for someone else to do it.  I honestly don't think that.  It's just that it's not the look that I think will make me feel beautiful.  To me the more natural, the better.  I was embarrassed to ask her if I could take a picture with her.  She inspired me to what I want to be doing when I'm in my 70s.  (My mom died at 71.  Ugh.)  Not that I'm ever going to be competitive with any sport, but just that I'm going to keep going with it and stay healthy.

Summa time...

Summer has become more and more about Sarah than ever, if that's possible.  Now that she doesn't have school she is in constant need of entertainment.  I really would not rather do anything else but hang with her, but it is nice to also be able to get some things around the house done.  Here we are having a "picnic" at the park in her play tent.

 Picture #2 is just her early in the morning with low blood sugar.  I have to admit that even when she's throwing temper tantrums (which are really rare, I think) I still think she's perfect.  When she is freaking out, I feel like we understand each other even better in that moment.  She is able to express exactly what I am feeling.  It's awesome.  She also is starting to copy my behavior, see pic #3, which is both cool and scary.  I realize I need to be a good example more now than with my boys even.

  #4 is at Mission Beach Park.  Everywhere we go, she sets out to find friends.  She is always looking for friends, and everyone is her friend, whether they like it or not.

 I'm so proud of how friendly and outgoing and open and loving she is to all kids.  She wants all of them in her life.  It's a gift.  I'm also afraid for her because people like that are bound for more pain in life.  Putting yourself out there more automatically increases the times in your life you'll experience rejection and hurt from your "friends."  I still have alot of scars from those lessons, and if I had had Sarah earlier in my life I'm sure I would have ruined her by protecting her from it all and fighting her fights at every turn.  It was a tender mercy that I had her last and later in life, so that I am mature enough to be able to see the big picture.  Just be proud of her and watch with confidence in her ability to get through it.  I'll be able to be a sideline coach instead of the backseat driver of her life.  My oldest son is like her too, and I mistakenly have tried to tell him to quit trying to make friends with the jerks that are mean.  Then I remembered that all 12-15 yr olds are jerky to each other and he'll get through it.  I had friends growing up with over protective parents that told them they are perfect and their friends weren't good enough for them anyway.  It didn't do them any favors.  They grew up really believing that instead of working on just being someone that people liked to be around.  I AM proud of her and her happy openness.  Every little girl is her "sister."  Every group of strangers we come upon anywhere, she'll blurt out "Oh, Hi guys!!" and they are friends.

This was a date night last weekend that Sarah invited herself on.  I love time alone with Ron, but I will admit to having separation anxiety.

Voted "Most Imaginative"

Sarah graduated from Bloomington Preschool today.  Mrs. Morris is wonderful.  She taught all four of my kids.  But she always gives out these awards at the end of the year that make me wince a little.  My kids always get an award like "Free Spirit" (Noah) or Sarah's "Most Imaginative" which are both nice ways of saying "Lost in their own little world and don't listen to instructions very well."  I'm okay with that description.  My kids are going to change the world.

Weekend in Laguna and graduations

Something we all need to remember more often.  I saw this a lot when I was serving a mission in Brazil.  It really changed the way I live my life, knowing I don't really need "stuff" to be happy.

On a lighter note,  Ron and I went to my nephew's wedding in Cali last weekend.  We turned it into an anniversary trip for ourselves as well.  We had a great time!

 Outside the Newport Temple.

 My nephew, Curren and his new wife, Brooke.  (With my sister, Melanie and the rest of their family.)

 At a mexican restaurant called Javier's.

 On vacation with Ron is ALL about the food, as maybe you can see.

 We went somewhere that I picked the last night.

 Edamame potstickers.

Ron got a buffalo burger that came with cooked kale and sweet potato.  Hee hee.

 L.O.V.E

 Graduation from Title 1.

 Leading the Funky Chicken.

A little Tom Petty.

Steve Jobs and Me

 I wouldn't know much more than what is on the news about Steve Jobs were it not for my oldest son. He's obsessed with all things technology.  I, myself am more of a minimalist.  Less is more for me.  But, because of my son, I have become interested in people like Steve Jobs and what got them where they are, etc.  I came across this address he gave at Standford and realized a few things that I can relate to about his life.  He talks about a few times in his life when he was in a sort of no-man's-land, and how that time when he wasn't climbing any ladders was actually the times when he was growing and progressing the most.  Learning the most important lessons and accomplishing great things, even though he wasn't really realizing it at the time. I've gone through times when I've regretted not being more serious about college from high school age and not knowing exactly what I wanted to do at the time, so that I could have blazed through and earned a degree. Instead I floundered a little bit and traveled a lot. I realize now though, that the time I spent working in Arizona after my freshman year was one of the most important learning experiences of my life. I fall back on things I learned and felt there to this day and I know I will continue to do that. The time I spent in Logan at Utah State could have looked like a disaster. I'm pretty sure that to my mom it was. I decided I wanted to go into dietetics and ended up not finishing. My grades dropped from As to Cs by the time I left. It was the first time I really lived away from home though, so it was there that I realized how strong my own wings are. I also learned that I really hate college. But the important things, like spirituality and friendship...  I figured out who I am.  I continue to recall the things I learned about myself during that "wilderness year" and those truths are my internal compass.

I think I'm still experiencing times of wilderness and I guess that's the point of life.  Going through the tough stuff, hanging on to faith and then coming out the other side knowing better who we are and feeling stronger, knowing that we're better for it.

Getting back to normal

 One other thing that has helped me, and I think the kids too, feel like we are back to normal and in *our home* is cooking meals and sitting down together to eat.  Yesterday I made breakfast for the first time instead of just having them eat cold cereal, and cooked dinner.  Sarah loves to help me cook.  She usually chops up carrots, even if there are no carrots in the recipe, and then I'll let her stir whatever is cooking.  My life would be so sad without her.

 There are some fun/strange things about this house.  One of them is this fire pit in the backyard.  When the boys saw that for the first time, they decided this wasn't going to be so bad.   Noah especially was always asking to build a fire at our old house.  We never let him because of course there was nowhere to do something like that.  So I promised him that in this house he was going to get to build a fire on any night he wanted and roast marshmallows.  Right behind the kids other other side of that white fence is the park.  It's really nice to be able to just go through the gate and play at the park for a few minutes.

I had a good experience with this guy yesterday.  Ryan and I butt heads a lot.  I don't understand him and the feeling is mutual.  I have enjoyed watching him find himself a little this past year though.  He gets how smart he is now and sees that he can understand concepts that maybe are tough for others.  He takes pride in those things and it's helping his self esteem.  He falls back on those gifts when he has no friends that want to hang with him.  I'm really proud of who he is turning into.  (I just would like him to care about a few things more, like taking a shower.)  Anyway...  yesterday I get a call from his school, which happens on a regular basis.  The conversation always goes something like, "Mom?  I forgot my _______.  Could you bring it to me?"  This time it was the nose cone for his rocket that was due that day.  He totally forgot to DO it.  He was asking for me to bring him some duck tape so that he could throw it together quickly during class.  I couldn't find the duck tape, so I said, "Sorry, Bud!  You're going to have to get a 0!"  I was so angry because this happens so regularly.  Luckily, I was needing to run to the store right then though, and so I decided I could just pick some up and take it over to him and just hope he had enough time to do it.  They had GOLD tape, which I knew he'd be super excited about, and I felt so bad about getting upset at him and telling him I couldn't help him that I also picked him up a little treat and took them over to him at school.  Turns out his rocket did the best in the class during the launch.  I was so grateful that I had a chance to make that little argument as right as possible and at least let him know I do love him.  Sometimes I think I probably thinks I don't because I'm so hard on him about certain things.  I don't get him.  I don't know if I ever will understand why he won't just at least try to take my advice.  It's hard to show love to a kid that refuses to listen.  So I'm going to be grateful for these little opportunities to support him and give him things that get him excited.

Shaking things up

 This has been one of the most trying seasons of my life.  I was about to say two weeks or month, but then I remembered that it's really been the whole winter and Spring that has sucked.  A good friend of mine said to me of our moving plans, "Well, sometimes you just need to shake things up."  I decided this is the attitude I'm taking with this.

We moved out of the house on Lake Cir, which was fine because we had always planned on moving again sometime.  It was emotional though because we had really put our hearts and souls into that house.  It was the first home Ron built for us and Sarah was born there.  I loved my porch and garden.  I was sad to say goodbye to all my plants I had nurtured.  Especially the ones that were being bulldozed as we were moving out!!! (See below.)  A few days before we left, this Ranunculus flower bloomed for me.  That was the first time I cried.  It felt like the most awesome "Thank you" and "Bye."  I know we left someplace more beautiful and better than we found it.  That is the most one can hope to do in life.

A picture of our upstairs while we were cleaning things out and the backyard being torn apart.  I just happened to be there packing the last of some things when the pool guys were there starting construction.  That was the second and last time I've cried about the move.  Watching that really helped me feel like, "Yep, this isn't our house anymore."  and just let go of it.

This is our *new* backyard.  This picture looks pretty sweet...  but the pool isn't really working right now.  Everything in this house is broken.  We are picking our way through stuff that needs to be fixed as quickly as we can while we are organizing.  It is half the size of our *old* one, so there's boxes everywhere.  I'm not sure where we're going to put so many things.  I'd really like to be comfortable here and "settled."  I want it to feel like home, and not like we are in transition.  So I want to unpack and decorate as much as I can.

One of the things that made this move so tough was two flat tires in a week.  The story is just too long to type....

Sarah and her friend having a jam session in the *new* house's "music room." (The small room where I am putting the piano and drums.)

This bookshelf is also in the music room.   I really loved our bookshelves in the old house.

I spent yesterday planting with Sarah.  If this stuff can stay alive I think it will help me feel more connected to this new place.  It's amazing what a few pots and plants can do to a house.  I am so grateful for nature.

Sarah is learning to write her name.  I know that's not that special for a 4 1/2 yr old, but for Sarah who was hardly talking a year ago...  It gets me pretty excited.  I'm so sad that her scrapbook stuff is so disorganized now (I don't even know where it is) that I'm not really documenting these awesome milestones.

Easter in Springdale.... cont.

We are moving this month...

I really have not grown too attached to this house over the 5 and 1/2 years we've lived here, even though I do think it's really pretty.  It just never really has felt like my home.  The one place my husband gave me almost free license was the front porch.. and I will miss the front porch.  It is so pretty, especially in Spring while everything is still green.  The new house is super UG.  But it will have it's perks.

So we stayed this weekend at the Zion "Resort."  hee hee.  Just us and a few hundred of our friends.  Surprisingly, it didn't feel crowded though.  Never noisy either.  It's fun to have a place nearby to retreat to whenever we feel like it.  I love Zion and Springdale.

Monkey.  I think I have a hundred pictures of him doing this.  This is the, "whatever you are asking me to do is going to kill me, it's so exhausting" pose.  There is also a towel on his bum.  Don't ask about that.

We went out to Grafton ghost town to do our egg hunt.  I thought it would be fun to let them go inside the buildings to find them.  There were too many people around though, so we drove just a little ways back down the road to the cemetery and hid them up in the hills for the big boys.  Sarah and Josh's were down lower in the bushes. 

The rest of my life this month is going to be packing, cleaning and organizing stuff to move.  Big garage sale this Saturday.  I am so stressed out about getting everything we have accrued over the last 5 1/2 years boxed up or sold or taken to the DI.  It is a super daunting thought.